Billiam the Stiff ninth king of the jackanapes.

Rubber Chicken Gazette

Serving the Specialty Entertainment Universe

Volume 7 Issue 1

Poi Boys Hit The Boards
Stilt Band Goes Legit

by Thea Turgoer

Lou Wow & the Poi Boys, that wacky novelty band on stilts, is at it again. They have perfected the art of playing novelty tunes on stilts at big parties where several other bands play simultaneously so that you can't really hear the stilt-band. Now the boys of poi are moving up to the stage so they can be seen and heard with staggering focus. "Waiting For Lou Wow" at the Pasadena Shakespeare Company Theater in the great Pasadena mall marks the first time the boys have performed in a theatrical format. It is variety theater, but it is theater. The show combines music, juggling, escapism and escapes as well as their trademark stilt-walking in addition to the not so trademarked "much, much more." Directed by veteran Poi Boy Philip Karp Briggs, the cast features Phil, Grainger Esch, Billy Barrett, Tuba Heatherton and Obediah Thomas. The show is/was Sunday Oct. 17 at 8pm.

Also on the bill is The Open Gate Theater with "Archetypes and Other Delights".

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ELVES DITCH SANTA CLAUS

Following a bitter dispute over working conditions and salary caps, a faction of disgruntled elves has abandoned toy making duties to enter the alluring entertainment world. "Sure we used to be gruntled like the other elves but we want more, it's in our blood," said one elfin entertainer under promise of anonymity. "Freezing your jingle bells off making millions of toys is fine for some, but we prefer Southern Cal and performing at parties. We love L.A."

Fire-Eaters

Exciting Entertainment
Or Right Wing Fanatics From Another Galaxy?
(full story on page 4)

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Balloon Pumps
& Radiation Leaks

No Link Found - Yet
by Anna Mullshapes

Have you ever wondered if balloon pumps are safe? How can all that air go into the balloon without someone actually blowing? Something very bizarre must be occurring to allow for inflation to be achieved so easily. It follows that something so deviant might also be unsafe. Though it has not been proven, some speculate that the use of balloon pumps might be responsible for radiation leaks, ozone layer disruption, and rampant house plant demise among variety performers. We here at The Rubber Chicken think it's fine if people want to use balloon pumps and run the risk of contaminating our frail planet to the point of apocalyptic disaster. Fine. But should we take the chance? Balloons, cute little animal figures, hats, swords and the like are cherished by children, however briefly, regardless of the inflation technique. Obviously more research is called for to determine the dangers of using a pump whether or not pump users are indeed communists as I suspect they most likely are.

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Fire Jugglers Safer Than Nature

Tire Fires Caused By Lightning Not Juggler

Recently a raging tire fire in the heartland of California was started by lightning. Estimated time to put out the fire: Months and months. You see, they can't just put the fire out with water because the resulting toxic runoff could contaminate local ground water. Very tricky. Also tricky is the act of juggling flaming torches. It should be noted that in the entire history of civilization there is not one documented case of a devastating tire fire being started by a fire juggler's torch, though 4 out of 5 jugglers prefer manipulating flames perched on piles of tires more than any other automobile accessories.

Clowns & Mimes Agree To Truce

They both wear heavy make-up. Both can trace their origins to ancient Greek pageants. Both are often shrewd observers of human nature and occasionally even funny. Then why, with so much in common, do these two groups distance themselves from each other? Joey Donnaker, boss clown for the Claude Bawles Traveling Circus, had this to say about his silent counterparts. "They're a bunch of Nancy-boy low-lifes. Most of them couldn't take a pie or pull off a decent pants-drop to save their miserable lives." When asked for his reaction, local mime and long time human statue, Marcel Znahcsnemmum said " ". Despite their long-standing differences, the grudge bearing mirth-makers agreed to bury the slapstick. The history making peace accord was struck recently at Camp White Face, an exclusive resort for wealthy mimes and clowns with a membership of approximately 3.

One Thing
At A Time
Or At Most 7

If you drive and use a cell phone please do so carefully. Experts calculate that on the average the human brain can handle up to seven tasks at a time. So if you are signaling a left turn, unwrapping a breakfast burrito and searching for that Django tape while removing clown make-up from one eye and looking for a freeway on-ramp in the mapbook with the other as you call in to check your messages, then remember to drive, too, but let the clutch out slowly.

Cold Season Cure Try Laughing

Vitamin C, zinc, Echinichea, hot tea, cold remedies, flu formulas, galoshes. These are just some of the myriad ways people ward off annoying and debilitating maladies in the winter months. One often overlooked medicinal aid is laughter. Now, you may laugh, and that's good. Though a heart felt guffaw or toe tingling belly laugh may be more beneficial than a smirking scoff. Laughter of all kinds can be exceedingly healthy. Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you'll get snot all over everything. We at The Rubber Chicken hope that the humor in these pages contributes to a healthy season for you. If not, you can always use it as a tissue.

12 Days Of Winter

On the 12th Day Of Winter
My true love gave to me...
12 Mimers miming
11 Jugglers juggling
10 Clownies Falling
9 Fire Eaters
8 Unicyclists
7 Balloon Artists
6 Tall Stilt Walkers
5 Plates Spinning
4 Living Dolls
3 Jesters
2 Uncle Sams
And A...
Rubber Chicken In A Pear Tree

William Q. Barrett-